Body

All my life I craved for a certain body image!!! I always wanted 6 pack abs, and skinny legs. I tried to diet and workout but I never could stick with it. As I ended my sophomore year of college I decided to really get in shape and to start to control my own destiny. I will not be a fat boy anymore.
I think my insecurities come from the fact people say I am big or over weight. When I didn't have much self confidence I use to look in the mirror and see disgust. Now I realize that I am not that big. Well I always have had confidence it just people put me down a lot. I want to really be a role model , not only for my little brothers, but for other urban youth. So by getting fit , this will help me accomplish step 1 of my evolution. I plan that when I turn 20 I will be very different both mentally and physically.

I see all these people that are really not in shape just skinny. Skinny does not equal in shape. I am bigger then some but hey I have more muscle on my body !!! Well when I am done my transformation everyone will be shocked

Desperate for the wrong things.

You know it is quite puzzling to me how people want to change for the worst.. There is this girl , whom I used to be cool with, is desperate. She is so desperate that she turned on her God Sisters, me, other people, and even started beef with people to be cool with these girls.
These girls where going to beat her and everything ... Told all her business and some more stuff. They stop speaking for 3 years ... Then she had the nerve to be best friends with them in 1 month .
She used to say,"UGHH I HATE them" and stuff like that. If I stop speaking to someone for three years then it would take probably 3+years until we are speaking and friends again.. It might not even happen!! ALL that hate shit was a show!!! Girl you wanted them to be your friends. Trying get them beat and stuff was a front. And it was strange how someone who you don't like live around the corner and you never fought them.. If I hated a person as much as you pretended to hate them , then we would have fought !!! It is funny because the people who would have backed her up in fighting she let go for them ... I made 2 beefs for this girl and 1 is still going on ....

So she started beefing with me, her God sisters, my best friends and my best friend's sister.. My home girls came up to my house all 13 of them to bet her and her friends ass for keeping up Bull Shit !!! But I told them not too.. And my best friend and her people so that mad 6 boys , 4 were my homeboys , and 21 females. See I did the right thing .. She was lucky because that was a major ass whipping ...

But we were on speaking terms because we finally talked about what was going on.. It took a big ass altercation ... It is funny because I talked things out but she wanted to be tough Tony and shit. Yea she did a lot of bluffing that day !!! She swung 3 times ..well it wasn't really a swing .. But she missed.. You know she is not a fighter .. Then my mother kept saying that not I am not like that !!! Women I have been in plenty of things (not trying brag) and I can handle myself... But anyway you know she told half the truth that night.. I am not going lie I said some things ... But she failed to mention how she made phone calls and other shit...

Yea she deleted me off Facebook, which is fine, as long as she doesn't try anything in person... But her friends whom she wanted so bad ..I only like 1 of them ... But see it is funny because all her business is spread around still.... Dummy you can't be friends with everyone . The sad thing is those girls will not get her outta anything .They will sit back and let her fiend for herself..SMH.

I am not mad nor hold anymore beef with you !! In my ..excuse me ... in mine and other's eyes you are a loser ,clown,punk, and a coward... And if you read this and have a problem hit my phone!!! If you make a video then your a fool.... And stop letting your mom fight your battles because if you have all that mouth then you can back it up!!! You know if you keep hanging with them then something bad may happen !!!!!

My Father

You know all my life I really wanted my father around !!! After him and my mother got divorced I was to young to realize this but I need a Father Figure around . So when this nigga came back around it was okay then I started seeing more and more things I didn't like . He is a fucking nigga because for these reasons:
1. Just because you pay child support doesn't mean you are there !!! He says, "So many times I was there for you and your brother." 100 dollars of month don't mean SHIT !!!!
2. Now that I am 18 he says, " I am of age !!" he does barely anything!!
3. He says shit like I don't want you around me , or you aren't like me.
4. He keeps comparing myself and him.
5.He treats my little sister better then he does any of my brothers ..

HE is the cause of all my hatred and frustration. He wounded me, but wounds heel over time. I started this post a while ago and instead of keep bashing him I learned something. That if I ever become a parent I know what not to be like, because I want to get to know my child. HE has taught me the positivity and strength in myself because all the BS I went through made me stronger and closer to my real father GOD

Around me

Okay . My life is changing for the better and I really enjoy some of the people I come across. As I am taking myself away from drama the people around me are having DRAMA like crazy. They experience fights,arguing, getting shit happen to their house, car windows getting busted/egg and tires slashed, and MORE FIGHTS.

Hopefully this all will change but they keep surrounding themselves in that foolery. I really HATE all the bull shit, but I do believe if you must fight it should be one on one. I hate when when two people have a problem then all their friends get involved. If you handle your business then you won't have to worry about sneaky ass people. I used to all back my friends and I won't let them get hurt in front of me ,but I will not fight their battle/beef.

I used have a lot of "friends" but I had to let them go. They just had too much bullshit with them and then they would act funny. I swear they are part of the reasons I had personal insecurities, but now that I have postivie people things are going up. I used to have tons of "eneimes" but they were not eneimes. They were just personal differences ..HAHA (I used to beef over the dumbest of things).
Back to the point, I will always be their for people but I won't risk my future for Bull Shit unless that shit is affecting me.... I tell my friends this old saying:
"People are going talk about you to the day you die, but if you show them that you not worried. They will look them at the end of the day."
I am always laughing about people who feel they need to worry, hate or just plain be disrespectful to me. But please don't get it twisted .I have matured and my patience has gone up. But if you KEEP knocking on my door YOU WILL GET AN ANSWER.....

LOVE,

Joshua Butler


Yes to all who read my blog thanks for taking time out your day to read my stuff (Friends and Foes).

My personality

Okay So I know that I am always confident, outgoing, sociable, and REAL. I love to laugh and just looking to have fun. I am talkative, hyper at times, and can see bull shit miles away. Yes I can be annoying at times, but who the fuck are you to tell someone what they can do?
My facebook Status is my OWN SHIT !!!! I mad as hell I swear I wish I could just do the old me .... Life at Towson University makes me encounter a lot of enemies. I put my hand to everything I own I'm trying change my life .. I have two conflicting things happening to me . Sometimes I feel like just crying (No Its not gay for me to cry). I just get tired of these people ignorance.
These people just don't understand me and you know I feel alone even in a crowd...I make jokes to make me feel alive .. Without laughter I would be nothing ... But I promise myselfI will change for the better of me !!! Friends come and go so don't get mad if we lose touch . And to all niggaz who deleted me, block me .. or didn't add me fuck y'all ..One less problem for me ..
I never had beef with people , and they always seem to have so much to say about me . I heard for this bummy bitch's , who deleted me , mother that ,"Things people say about you can tear you down and that shit can give you self confidence issues ." she was right I have issues with my body, personality, voice, and other things..
I always hold my head up and never let anyone see me down, but truth is behind my smile lives a heart of sadness and insecurities. And to all my fucking haters kill yourselves because you not even worth my time . You going love this fuck you if you want to be internet gangsters but in person don't say shit

Sneaky ass people

So look the devil so is busy so here are a few things that happen.
I started working the Spring 2010 being a CC worker. Everything was going good, my friend would come talk to me about things my whole shift.
I get a email from my boss stating he wants to meet with me about a few things. I go meet him and he says, "Hello Josh."
I say,"Hi."
Boss: " I want for you to keep your conversation under 5 min and two of my residents says they barely showed you their IDs."
Me: " Okay I understand about the conversation part but that ID is false."
Boss: "Okay so as long as you understand."
So we talk farther and then I leave.
My friend still talks to me but I told her I have to keep the conversations under 5 minutes. She doesn't really care.
So one day my friend is out there talking to me in the lobby and my boss comes behind the CC desk.
This random girl walks in and ask, "I heard you guys are looking for a CC manager."
Lucky my boss was there.
Then I get a email from my boss saying that I ignore his request to NOT have my friends in front off the CC desk area.
Then I took a call from my Building Council president then one of my co workers saw me ..I was on an important call and It was less then a minute. The sneaky fat ugly trashy bitch told on me.
So then my supervisor wanted to meet to with me.
So we meet I said, "Hi!"
She: "Hey, so Josh I been getting complaints that you haven't been happy?"
I thinking what the fuck ..Who is telling her and my boss this !!! These people must have something against me ... The Devil is sure busy.
Me: " I'm not happy about things going on in my personal life."
I really wanted to say we all are entitled to bad days .. Damn can't I be sad about my personal things in my life
She:" Okay ."
ME: "Yea I'm not going to tell my personal business."
She:" You know cellphone use is off... "
She said a whole bunch of other shit . I think its time to quit ... I can't deal with this sneaky ass people , dissing me and shit on the low, and the drama. Yea I wasn't coming back to this job anyway.
ME:"Yea. I understand ..."
I explained my case. So the next day I'm bout to get off my boss comes pass and says," I want to meet with you real quick ."
ME: " I have to leave but okay"
I hoping he just lets me go because I couldn't deal with all this drama, so we meet.
Boss: " (Sum) Residence don't feel safe when you are on and they say you don't check ids ."
I thinking the fuck ..are you serious ? You have some shit starting residence. We keep talking then this other person come up.. He is a clown who wants to be funny .. We got into because residents were complaining about him being stupid basically.
ME:" Look I'm not going to seek out someone that can seek out me who... In fact saw me and didn't say anything."
Boss: "I'm have to let you go."
ME: "Okay .I going resign."
I was so happy ... But had to use my acting skills.
Boss: " And besides you still had coming to the front desk."
ME:" No I didn't"
Boss:' You had other friends people saw you"
I'm thinking if you were smart you wouldn't say you don't promote gossip and clearly you are listening to it. You staff members complain about how they don't like you . Residence have told me they really think you're weird and shit . I have always told them to give you a chance. You were cool on everything but managing CC that place is hell. But if someone is always coming and going then they people are going to look at you.
His own staff talks some much shit about him and then I'm get let go/forced early resign . For the record I really did like my job, but you need to reevaluate your own staff. Still being successful, so you devils really didn't hurt me just prepared me for my blessing..

Claiming

All of these people claim to be my best friend, friend, nigga, or homeboy, but yet some of you diss me on the low. This is why I say strongly,"You can only rely on God and yourself." I swear these people trip me out. I'm going give you insight on more of what I mean.
People are shaking my hand, calling my phone, and just plain being in my face. Behind my back you are talking hell of shit about me , on Facebook you make your status about me then comment on my status, and then you message me about things on the anonymous tip(not in person) about bull shit then when you see me in person you say nothing. You are comic to me just shows how much pride you have.
Fake people please don't say I'm fake because at the end of the day I am true to myself. Yes I do talk about people at times, but it is from my prospective and I'm not afraid to say it in their face(Most of the times I do). I'm getting to old for that so now people are just becoming invisible to me . Then you know what really trips me out when people say I am a shit starter. It is not starting if you are coming at me in a non-mature way.
People are just moody as hell and that is why I have only a few real friends. I need for you people to be real and know what you want out of life. I'm not chasing dope boy ambitions and I'm on a road to success. If we are not going in the same direction, we can be friends but I won't hate or shit talk about the things you do.
The things these people do make them look fake as hell. I don't need anymore bullshit in my life then I already have. I know things are going on with everybody, but if we are really friends then other people's thoughts about me would not matter.
I will succeed with or without you , so Joshua will never think about you to long just move on .